don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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