21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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