So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
