She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize