alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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