apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
