I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
