is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
