I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
