i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
