i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
