We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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