I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
