Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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