i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
