dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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