You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
