Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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