he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
