I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize