Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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