Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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