you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize