Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
