So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
