Please, let me fuck your mom
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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