Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
