"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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