Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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