i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
