She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
