I don't think brook has ever known best
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
