I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize