i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
