I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
