I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did I show you my penis last night?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
