I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
