and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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