Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
