Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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