youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
