Taylor Swift is so right about you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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