I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize