I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
