coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
