my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize