Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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