I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
