She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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