It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
