She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
