Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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