Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
