Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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