ugly people sure do ruin things
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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