If that was your dad, he is hot
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
