It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I deserve this hangover.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
