Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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