why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
