that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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