I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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