so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
