mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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