She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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