Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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