Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
