I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
