Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
