I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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