Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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