Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
