OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
