My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
