Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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