me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
